ten of swords

The traditional meaning of this card is ruin. Although it seems a little dramatic. Something or some situation isn't working and it's time to accept that and let go. Acceptance

Asking for help

# I can't do it alone. I don't want to. I don't have to. I have received so much help and love in the past few days,it's been a great blessing my job is to say THANK YOU.

Reality

# As uncomfortable as it is sometimes, i need to accept
situations as they are,not how I imagine them to be.
As I see more clearly I'm able to react in a more sober way.

Serious

#Feeling very serious today,Not good,have to let the day take me
and lighten up.I always think I know best and keep pushing for the way
I think it ought to be,sometimes the answer is no or not yet. Rejection
could be protection.

more is revealed

A friend of mine told me recently that I was needy.i sort of let it flow off of me.
It's taken a few days to realize as much as I hate to admit it he is right.{better than a few years]I tend to become the big titty or the force fed baby.It has everything to do with my primary relationship.Does explaining it away change it? NO.
I've been aware of it in a vague sort of way for a long time.
It's become a defect.It's okay to want to assist a friend or feed them etc. but I overcompensate.They freak out or run away and then i get to play martyr or victim.I've perpetuated this myth for a long time.This old way of thinking and acting is based in fear of people.{I'm not gonna get what I want, or it's going to be taken away from me}It keeps me isolated and in pain and alone.None of which serve me any longer.Now that I'm completely aware[finally] and have accepted it[not pleasant]what can I do?
Blame it on my mother?That only goes so far.It doesn't really work does it?
I need to change the behavior.I don't relish having to change the way I think or act.Does anyone? Is there an easy way out? NO.
The alternative[doing it over and over]isn't going to cut it.I wish to be free to love in a new way, to be less isolated from my true self and to be a better friend.
A big part of the answer is being offered to me,I think I'll take it.
THANK YOU SPIRIT
THANK YOU BROTHER