doing something different

I was offended tonight by a friend.I was hurt so I removed myself and took myself to the movies.Instead of making myself more upset.It was a good idea.It was an act of love toward myself.I'll get used to it

Productivity

Yesterday was a full day.I dyed lots of garments,made a gift had a friend over and went to a celebration.i'm at my best when I'm useful and productive.When I don't have enough to do I tend to find my way to my thoughts and many times they are a bit crazy for lack of a better word.I know I'm not alone in this experience,which helps.Just for today I'm going to try and stay busy not crazy busy productive busy.

Self love

Can one blog and go back to bed.Absolutely.lol.I am fortunate in that I have the capacity to love,I am able to demonstrate it through the clothes I create through my service at the store through this blog,and many other ways.I pour forth a lot of my spirit regularly.Goddess is teaching me how to love myself in a more profound way.It's hard to accept I'd rather put others first it's what I'm used to,it stems out of an old false belief of unworthiness.That way I don't have to look at what is deficient in me.I believe it is in my best interest and spirit's best interest and the best interest of my brothers to fill the vessel and operate from that place.It's not as overwhelming as I would like to believe.Besides I have lots of help.
I would like to go on record though I have come to appreciate and understand this need to fill with self love through the act of loving and being loved by my brothers.It's been a long journey of discovery and it's not nearly half way through.Some bags are just to heavy to carry any longer.I guess I'll just let them go.Blessed be.

Wind

It's really windy today.I always feel excited in the wind,something is leaving something new is about to emerge.I have thoughts and ideas about what should come and go,but I'm always surprised.I try to impose my will on situations but that rarely works out.I don't really have much control over anything I just have to show up and observe,be loving,patient and let go.

Being in it

Not sure how the day is going to unfold but I decided I'm gonna be in it.I don't know what that means exactly.I'm feeling adventurous.

Thanksgiving

What I'm most thankful for this year is the amazing transformation I've been going through.My hope is that from this year forward I'll be able to give and receive LOVE
in a way that I never even dreamed of in the past.My goal is to be able to have open house every Thanksgiving.God bless us all.

Opening

If I desire more esteem I do more estimable actions.If I want to experience love I do more loving actions.Sometimes I need to pretend I'm someone else I have to act more like a friend to myself.This little trick has worked well for me.
I put out love and patience and kindness to the best of my ability toward others on a regular basis.Spirit is trying to show me that I need to give theses gifts to myself,I'm so used to feeling and acting unworthy[on the inside]this doesn't work anymore.
I need to get off the cross,the pedestal,the stage and become a member of the chorus.
It's scary and unfamiliar,I'm up for the challenge.
Tired of swimming upstream,let go or be dragged.The most humbling part is
I'm always the last to know.

taking directions

Slept really well,I usually don't honestly.Have been crazy in my head as of late.I'm beginning to realize and accept[a little] that I don't hold as much love for myself as I could.{that's an understatement]Much of my life I've lived in a state of deprivation.
I'm trying to hold more love for myself and it seems very foreign.
I asked for help,I'm good at that.I spoke to a friend last night he recommended that I ask for help from the angelic realm,the arc angels so I did.I took the direction,I take directions when my way doesn't work any longer.
I've come to this place in my life where I really have to look at some core false beliefs,and change them for my own highest good and for the good of those around me,it seems very daunting,I've done more for less.

Divine Feminine (Adi Shakti): The Kingdom Of God

Divine Feminine (Adi Shakti): The Kingdom Of God

Let it be

I was going to write about how I'm ready for my whole life to change.It'll change when it does I need to be mindful of my thoughts as they create reality.A lot has already changed recently it's a process,my job is to accept and grow through the process as it unfolds.I want what I want when I want it,I can be so childish.I can try to have faith that the process is for my highest good,be in it and allow.

observations at a party

Went to a party last night.Really saw the gamut encountered jealousy,greed,kindness and graciousness all in a matter of hours.it's always my decision what I leave with.
What I choose to pay attention to is the hostess was gracious and lovely an example of a successful unblocked creative it was inspiring.The man of honor was grateful and pleased that I was there and complimented me on being myself as an example to him.
That's what I choose to leave with,and remember.

Love is the message

In my heart of hearts I believe we are created from through and of love.
The challenges that are put before us are Spirit's way to help us become more of the light that we are.There are many challenges I've had to face time and again until I was ready to radiate in a more loving frequency.
It's easy to see others challenges instead of our own.I'm sure it's also easier for others to see mine instead of their own.
Taking the high road we love each other through the journey.
Gossip and judgment are not the high road.
Acceptance of others,myself and God's love and will is the message
The message is love.

Plenty

Is the glass half full or half empty?
Actually it's overflowing,I love and am loved.
Got food,health,work,purpose,community.

Do I have problems? Yes,big deal, who doesn't?
Do I have the desire and wherewithal to accept things as they are
instead of how I think they should be?Today I do.I will relish the day

Observation

What I think or feel is going on isn't always the truth.When I'm in my head
and trying to figure out other people's actions and motivations I need to fetch myself up sharply and keep my mouth shut.Many times I just don't know.The more I mind my own business the calmer and happier I am.The mantra for today is just listen,don't talk...just listen.
This is where meditating regularly kicks in.

Remaiming open

I really need help with marketing my website.Getting mew models a photographer,marketing etc.
I've been talking about it,putting it out there and asking for help.
It doesn't work trying to do everything myself so I keep on putting it out there
and continue to remain open.

Putting myself first

If I'm not for myself who am I for? and if not now when?
When I put others needs before my own,and it's detrimental to myself
it's not serving me or them.If I don't hold love for myself I can't hold love for others.I believe that God's will is to treat myself with kindness and respect,and
coming from that place to radiate it.If I'm not coming from my heart it's inauthentic.
Change begins with me.

Invitation

I'm making Thanksgiving this year,it was the thing to do.It seems to be growing by the day,as more people say yes my heart fills more.The more I'm able to extend the more I'm able to receive.
In recent months my heart has opened on a completely new level it's been frightening,challenging,painful,invigorating,unfamiliar and life affirming.
So many times in my past things change and after a while they go back to the way they were.I don't think it's the case this time.
Although it's new territory it seams the place my soul wants to reside in.I guess it's time to stop running and hiding from myself and my brothers and just be.

New attitude

Trying day yesterday,but i talked about it some and feel somewhat better.Today the plan is to get some new plants,need some new life in the apartment.There has definitely been a transformation within me.I'm wearing a rubber band around my wrist to remind me not to act in the old way,if I do I snap the band.

more is revealed

A friend of mine told me recently that I was needy.i sort of let it flow off of me.
It's taken a few days to realize as much as I hate to admit it he is right.{better than a few years]I tend to become the big titty or the force fed baby.It has everything to do with my primary relationship.Does explaining it away change it? NO.
I've been aware of it in a vague sort of way for a long time.
It's become a defect.It's okay to want to assist a friend or feed them etc. but I overcompensate.They freak out or run away and then i get to play martyr or victim.I've perpetuated this myth for a long time.This old way of thinking and acting is based in fear of people.{I'm not gonna get what I want, or it's going to be taken away from me}It keeps me isolated and in pain and alone.None of which serve me any longer.Now that I'm completely aware[finally] and have accepted it[not pleasant]what can I do?
Blame it on my mother?That only goes so far.It doesn't really work does it?
I need to change the behavior.I don't relish having to change the way I think or act.Does anyone? Is there an easy way out? NO.
The alternative[doing it over and over]isn't going to cut it.I wish to be free to love in a new way, to be less isolated from my true self and to be a better friend.
A big part of the answer is being offered to me,I think I'll take it.
THANK YOU SPIRIT
THANK YOU BROTHER

Foundation

The foundation is honesty.Am I 100% honest with myself and others? Am I hiding some truth from myself? Do I discuss what's going on the inside with people to get a fuller picture?
As I've gotten older and hopefully wiser I've become more honest.It's the only thing that works.It's more interesting too.
Open mindedness,I like to think I have all answers and know what's best,but i just don't so I listen to my brothers and to my heart and check out what I think is the next right move.When there's a habit that needs to be undone I act my way into right thinking.When i start having negative thoughts I fill my heart with love connect to the great heart and radiate the light.
Willingness,that has been my greatest blessing.The willingness to change and to take suggestions has morphed slowly into faith.
The only thing I have any real control over are my actions that being said I pray and meditate every day.Without it I'm lost. I show up for my responsibilities for myself and others,if I can't or don't I own up.
As far as my experience goes this is the basis of a spiritually based life.
It's taken many years and lots of practice,I constantly flounder,I've become an expert at getting back on the horse.

Doing what is best

I'm confronted with decisions every day.Yesterday i got a call for an opportunity concerning my business I have to say no one loves a get rich quick scheme more than i do.Do I forget my responsibilities to myself and people I owe money to and take a chance?
Not this time.in the past the answer was yes absolutely.I also had opportunities this week in particular to get out of myself shall we say,these situations seem harmless enough but are they in my own best interest? Or am I just pretending that I'm worth
less than I actually am? Am I pretending this time will be different?
I have to continue taking the high road until it becomes my habit.Do I want to sell myself short over and over? If I don't have an ideal and reach for it how will I ever get there?
Do I want what I want when I want it? Yes.Is it in my own best interest? Or do I just want to run away because I've had a tough time and I'm entitled? Only through self discipline will I become more of the light that God would have me be.Sometimes not having the slice of cake is it's own reward even though it doesn't feel like it.
Time to grow up.

Friendship

Yesterday I spent the day with a friend,when you are with someone you are comfortable with what's the difference what you are doing?
As the day progressed the conversation turned into what's my defect what's my asset?
This is what you do this is what you don't do.It was mutual.Can i see myself clearly without this information? NO.It came from a place of honesty,compassion and love,on both our parts.It's taken a long time for me to be able to let someone in to that extent and it's certainly been worthwhile.
I'm grateful that I've finally come to a place to let myself be seen.
Friendship is when people know all about you and like you anyway.

Don't just sit there do nothing

Day 2 of ceiling repair,Day 5 of resentment prayer.Took action toward a photographer and model to upgrade site.I always feel like I have to do something fix something move move move.Sometimes I'm forced to slow down and just be.I'm not the amount of money I have,I'm not my job,I'm not who I'm sleeping or not sleeping with.I'm not even what I create.I've done what I can do now I offer it to spirit.It's challenging to me to not work ,it's challenging to not play God pretending I am in charge.It's difficult to give myself the gift of letting go.Actually it's hard to receive the gift.Time to be gracious say thank you and enjoy the day.I have an idea of what I might like to do,but I'll let the day take me.

It ain't about me

I woke up this morning to the sound of workmen outside my apartment they are due to fix the ceiling today.it's far earlier than I usually wake up.Did not put me in a good mood.Yesterday was a day of listening to others[I'd always rather talk about myself]
So many times in my life someone says something or does something that rubs me the wrong way.The best way to keep peace is to shut my mouth.I shared very intimate parts of myself yesterday with people in the hopes that my experience could benefit them.as people have done for me.Maybe part of the reason I went through those experiences was to share the information and slowly realize that in fact I'm not as unique as I like to think I am.
In spite of the fact I'm an egomaniac and hypersensitive and would like to buy the delusion that the world revolves around my thoughts feelings and needs.I've slowly come to a different understanding.As foreign and ego deflating as it is most times it ain't about me.

Discovery

Today should be interesting.The landlord is finally sending someone to fix the ceiling.Today I have to empty the bedroom,an all day affair.I have an intuitive feeling that I'll rediscover some object or memories that I haven't seen or thought about in a long time. I'd rather take the day off.Who knows what I might dredge up.
The whole situation is probably for my highest good.I'm not in the mood.perhaps I'll make a discovery.

Birthday

Today is the day.I'm 46 and it feels good.I wouldn't trade my experience with anybody else.I've had a great life,and there's plenty more to come.I'm so grateful I've remained curious and enthusiastic about life.I have a lot of love around me and inside me.Things are getting better on the inside because I'm open to change.

Openess

Sometimes I find myself on the street with my shoulders
all crammed thinking negatively about one situation or another
that I've deluded myself into thinking I'm in charge of.
All i need to do is take action toward my goal and let it go.
It takes a lot of practice.When I remain open a new idea or thought has space to come through.When I remain open I can be helpful to someone on the street.When I remain open anything is possible.
Today is day two of resentment praying,I don't have to mean it I just have to do it.
And remain open.

Prayer

Many years ago it was recommended to me through a spiritual community that I start praying.I didn't really know if I believed or not.
I began to pray even though I had two hurdles one was the good people of religion,who spoke love with their lips but held hatred in their hearts.The other was even if I did believe in God I didn't feel God believed in me.[I sure didn't]
Part of the process was finding a God that worked for me,that was a long slow process.
I used to write letters saying things like if you are judging me you are fired and put God on the address and Jeffrey on the return.
In hindsight I think I discovered the good in myself,others and the universe almost at about the same pace.They were interlocked.
These days I pray a good part of the day.
I awoke very early this morning from a disturbing dream.It was based in a resentment I have. It's been recommended that I pray for this person for a month everyday,that they get everything that I would like.In the past I've had to be quite desperate to do this.The questions I ask myself are; Do I want to live in anger? Am I willing to let go? Would I rather be happy or would I rather be right?
I put it on my calendar 30 days.
The Higher Power,Higher Self sent me this dream to remind me what my hurdles were
holding hatred in my heart hurts me and my brothers.God believes in the light in my heart.

seeing things in a different light

The ceiling above my bed is collapsing slowly.Literally right above my head.I'm wondering what is the universe telling me?
First off sleep with your feet where your head was and your head where your feet were.
I thought of the Hanged Man in the Tarot.the way I always see this card is look at things from an angle you never thought of before,see things upside down.Hang yourself on a tree and relax for a while,it'll come to you.
Lately when I've been angry[usually comes up at least once a day]
I've been going to a different place my inclination is to open my mouth and shoot myself in the foot.I usually end up hurting someone else in that process too.
Do I really want to do that? Is my need to express myself so great that I'm willing to hurt myself and my brothers?
Or should I sacrifice myself[EGO easing god out}and hang myself from a tree and relax.
I've been going into my heart connecting it with God's heart filling with light.and radiating the light I am.I have been doing this several times a day.I need to do it several times a day.
I've been attempting living in my heart instead of my head.
Perhaps part of who I think I am needs to be sacrificed for my greater good.

you tube rocks

Slow Start

It's sunny no reason to be lazy,can't decide on priorities today.
Put up an ad for a marketing asst last night,no replies.The best thing to do on days like today is just continue moving slowly,just make sure I keep moving.
I invite spirit in to show me the next right action.Good practice for living in instinct.

Full Moon

The full moon in Taurus[tonight] asks us to recognize that our instincts can harm or help ourselves and others.Consider the morality and value of our actions.Beauty is the attribute of the soul that blends love and wisdom to create compassion within,enabling us to appreciate the goodness in humanity.
This is a good time to intend new or renewed commitments to making changes toward spiritual,emotional,intellectual and financial commitments.
Build a strong base upon which to structure our lives and build a strong foundation for the future.

getting out of my head

Thoughts are not necessarily my friends.Last night I went dancing and I really let go.
Today I'm helping a friend move.The way out is through action.
I ask spirit to fill me with love.As i fill I ask spirit to allow me to radiate love.
What's going on in my head is some crazy shit.